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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Dating Part 1: What you're worth and what you deserve.

This post has been a long time coming. This post is my heart. It took a lot for me to write this. I cried and laughed. I got advice and help from friends.

Most of you know that I am newly single. Yep. 25 and single. At first, I wasn't ok with it. I grew up in Alabama. See, here in the south, you go to college, graduate, get married, have babies, live happily ever after. That's not exactly how things worked out for me, and now, I am OK with being 25 and single. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days. But for the most part, I am really happy with where I am and what the Lord is doing in my life. I finally got to a point of surrender and it feels so good to know that God is in control and I no longer have to worry. So I wanted to share with you what I have learned in the last few years.

Two things you should know before you enter into another relationship: What you're worth & what you deserve. Do you know what you're worth? Do you know what you deserve? Not really? Well I am going to tell you...

The Bible is very clear about what we, as women deserve and how a man is to treat his woman/wife. YOU are beautiful. YOU are wonderful. YOU are a one of a kind. YOU have so much to offer.  And YOU deserve to be treated like it. YOU are worthy of every good thing this world has to offer. YOU are worthy of a man who treats you like you are one of a kind and his one and only. YOU are worthy of love and affection, flowers, love notes, whatever makes you happy, YOU are worthy of that. "The One" will know those things about you and he will think you are worthy, too. So many women, like me, are so "ready" to be married that they are willing to settle for so much less than they deserve. I almost settled, and I am so glad I didn't. This is what YOU deserve...
  • You deserve to be pursued- You deserve to be chased. Men are never too busy to get what they want.  If he's not calling, texting, asking you out, actively trying to spend time with you, he's not the one. "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22
  • You deserve to be prayed for- "The One" will have been praying for you long before you entered his life. If he isn't openly praying for you, he's not the one. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25.
  • You deserve a man who loves the Lord. If he's not pursuing a relationship with the Lord as actively as he is pursuing you, he's not the one. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14
  • You deserve to be respected, cherished and valued- You should never have to ask for any of these things. If he doesn't respect you, value you and cherish you from the first date, he's not the one.
  • You deserve a man who wants to be there- If you can't ALWAYS count on him, he's not the one.
  • You deserve a man of integrity- If he doesn't do what he says he is going to do in the beginning, he never will. If his words don't match his actions, he's not the one. "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out." Proverbs 10:9
  • You deserve forgiveness. We all have a past. We have all made mistakes. We are all going to continue to make mistakes.  If he can't look passsed the things you did/said and the mistakes you made before he came along...He doesn't deserve you and he's not the one. "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14
  • You deserve to be supported- If he doesn't support you in everything you do, regardless how small the task, he's not the one.
  • You deserve honesty and truth- If you feel like he's not being honest or truthful, he's probably not. If you find yourself questioning him, he's not the one. 
  • You deserve a best friend- You deserve someone who wants to know everything about you. Someone who wants to hear your crazy stories, hold you when you cry, take care of you when your sick, and listen to you complain about your mother. You deserve that, and if he's not doing those things, he's not the one.
  • You deserve someone who shares your passions- Love animals? Want to adopt children? Volunteer at the homeless shelter? Love to blog? If he can't be passionate about the things you are passionate about and love the most, he's not the one.
  • You deserve someone who loves your family and friends- Your family and friends were around long before he was. They helped mold you into who you are. If he doesn't love them and accept them, he's not the one.
  • You deserve to be happy- If he doesn't make you happy most days, he's not the one. 
  • You deserve a peaceful life- If his life is constant chaos and he is bringing his chaos into your circle, he's not the one. 
  • You deserve to have an easy life- Everyday won't be easy. Some days will be work. Hard work. But it shouldn't be hard all.the.time. Especially in the beginning. If it is hard from the get-go, he's not the one. 
  • You deserve a secure man- You deserve a man that is so secure in himself that he delights in watching you prosper. If he doesn't love watching YOU shine, he's not the one.
  • You deserve to be complimented. If he doesn't compliment you and make you feel like the most amazing girl in the world, he's not the one. "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." Colossians 3:19
  • You deserve to be prayed for, encouraged, praised, defended, honored and adored. There is no reason to settle for less. "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her" Ephesians 5:25

It's easy to read those things. The hard part is learning to recognize who has those qualities and who doesn't. Watch for red flags. Listen for Gods voice. He will direct your paths. That little voice you hear saying"That's not ok." That's the Holy Spirit. Don't be so "ready" to settle down that you ignore His voice or these things.  99% of the time, people don't change. What you see is what you get. Marrying him isn't going to make him a different person, only God can do that.

You can read Part 2 HERE.
You can read Part 3 HERE.

Happy Tuesday, Y'all!


Kelly said...

Girl, I know exactly how you feel. I was in a three-year long relationship after college that failed. There I was, 25 and single. I compared every single person I met to that guy, but he wasn't good for me. Hang in there and it will happen for you! I met Shaun when I was 29 (now 31) and we are finally talking about marriage. I know it's not the plan that I might have had for myself, but it's the plan that God has for me. You just have to trust that everything is going the way that it's supposed to.<3


Rachieboo823 said...

I just love your blog and how real you are. This is something that girls now days need to hear. My daughter is only 9 and already I'm having to work with her to instill the knowledge that she is special and that she is never second to anyone. I have seen so many girls go through torment over relationships and they need someone with good solid advice that lets them know to put God first and look for GOOD things in a guy. Amazing post. Have a great day! God bless!


reeree7 said...

So my sister told me about your blog and sent mt the link to this post, and I just want to say, that I wish I would have had this post to read in 2008 lol. Thankfully, I didn't "settle" either. I went back to the singles and ended up marrying the love of my life, someone whom I can check off on every item on this list (which every women should go by). What an inspiration. I'm definitely a new follower! Cannot wait to read part 2!

Anonymous said...

This was absolutely perfect Jen. I'm a fellow single gal, going on two years now. Two years because I refuse to settle with anything less than what I deserve..and that summed what I'm looking for up to a t.

Jen said...

I still have hope! I'm just learning to let go of my own plans and grasp the plans that the Lord has for me! I just learned some pretty improtant things that I don't think I would have learned otherwise!

Jen said...

Thank you so much! I always said I would be myself on this blog no matter what! I agree, girls need this instilled in them. Almost from the time they are toddlers at the rate this world is going. My hope is that my experiences can shine some light onto the topics for younger girls. There are so many things that people just don't say!

Thanks for reading, glad to have you!

Jen said...

I wish I had had this post in 2005! I was so young and I cost myself so much heartache by just not knowing what I needed to know. I carried all of the same things over into my 20's. I just got to a point where I said "OK, God. Your will and only you will." This is just a compilation of what he has shown me! So glad you enjoyed it! Thank your sister for me for sending you over!!

Jen said...

Props to you girl! I know it isn't easy being single! But congratulations on knowing what deserve. So many girls don't. They get married right after college, have 2.5 kids and end up divorced. It makes me so sad. I wish more girls/women were taught how valuable they are!

Unknown said...

You know your words are perfect. There is something about this season that has everyone snuggling in close to those we love and it puts so much pressure on young single women, esp., to have a significant other. Thank you for sharing your heart, and for sharing your strength, I know many will be uplifted and encouraged.

Following ya this Wordless Wednesday. We're riding the wave of life at Local Sugar Hawaii and I would so love it if you'd join us for the fun.


Unknown said...

I cannot say, "Amen, AMen, AMEN!" enough... girls MUST know their worth... God has great big plans for you... trust Him & His timing. I'm so excited that I am following you, now! Thanks for joining in on the GFC hop! ((Hugs))

Jill from PJgamers said...

ugggghhhh...this takes me back to getting a call from my friend all excited that she's back together with the guy she'd broke up with because they weren't right for each other. I was banging my head against the wall...! She said they missed each other too much....but I think she just didn't like feeling lonely after having felt loved.
good post - well said.
♡ Jill

Rachael said...

Great Post! really love what you talked about :)
Found you through blog hop and now following you,hope you'll stop by my blog sometime!


Jen said...

I sure hope so! It's so easy to get up in all the things we want this season! I am just trying to focus on what the Lord has for me!

Thank you so much for stopping by!!

Jen said...

Yes, girls MUST know their worth. I wish I had known more when I was younger. I was way to busy running from God. I like to think that He has great big plans for me =) His timing is perfect, and I'm more than willing to do things His way! Thank you so much for reading!

Jen said...

You should link her to this post! I was that friend for a very long time! I'm surprised my girlfriends put up with all my shenanigans for as long as they did! Being lonely sucks. But being with someone who doesn't respect you or treat you like you're worthy is way, way worse than being lonely. Keep being a good friend! She's going to really need you one day! Thanks for coming by!!

Jen said...

Thanks so much for stopping by! Heading over to check you out now!!

Unknown said...

First, can I just say that I. Loved. This. Post. Something about your blog told me, "No Ashley, save this one until you get home from work to read." Boy am I glad I did. Count me as a new follower.

As a 27 year old, who thought she found the one at 18, married him at 23 and struggled to put herself back together again at 24 after he divorced her with no other reason except "I'm not in love with you anymore". I feel know how you feel. And now 3 years later after spending 18 months with another "almost" right, I'm finally done trying to control it. I'm done trying to find the perfect love, I'm going to let the one find me, after all, the best love usually finds you when you're not looking. Or perhaps it's that you are putting your faith into something greater than just prince charming.

Seriously, this was just what I needed to read, right when I needed to read it.

Jen said...

Sometimes, giving up the control is the best thing you can do. ANd putting your faith in something greater than prince charming is always a good way to go! Pray about it, and enjoy your time as a single girl! Life is fun! Take some chances, do some new things! Mr. Right will come along when you least expect it! Until then, let God hold your heart...I promise He will take care of it =)

Holly said...

This is SO beautiful, Jenn!! I want to spend more time reading this over the next few weeks and praying over it, but you are inspiring and wonderful and I am so thankful I have found you through blogger!

Anonymous said...

I found this by accident on pintrest, I tell you my eyes were opened i see things in a different light , i had to share this with my friends and they all needed it. Thanks and God bless you keep using the gift of knowledge to enlighten others a lot of girl -women need really need this encouragement.