This post has been a long time coming. This post is my heart. It took a lot for me to write this. I cried and laughed. I got advice and help from friends.
Most of you know that I am newly single. Yep. 25 and single. At first, I wasn't ok with it. I grew up in Alabama. See, here in the south, you go to college, graduate, get married, have babies, live happily ever after. That's not exactly how things worked out for me, and now, I am OK with being 25 and single. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days. But for the most part, I am really happy with where I am and what the Lord is doing in my life. I finally got to a point of surrender and it feels so good to know that God is in control and I no longer have to worry. So I wanted to share with you what I have learned in the last few years.
Two things you should know before you enter into another relationship: What you're worth & what you deserve. Do you know what you're worth? Do you know what you deserve? Not really? Well I am going to tell you...
The Bible is very clear about what we, as women deserve and how a man is to treat his woman/wife. YOU are beautiful. YOU are wonderful. YOU are a one of a kind. YOU have so much to offer. And YOU deserve to be treated like it. YOU are worthy of every good thing this world has to offer. YOU are worthy of a man who treats you like you are one of a kind and his one and only. YOU are worthy of love and affection, flowers, love notes, whatever makes you happy, YOU are worthy of that. "The One" will know those things about you and he will think you are worthy, too. So many women, like me, are so "ready" to be married that they are willing to settle for so much less than they deserve. I almost settled, and I am so glad I didn't. This is what YOU deserve...
- You deserve to be pursued- You deserve to be chased. Men are never too busy to get what they want. If he's not calling, texting, asking you out, actively trying to spend time with you, he's not the one. "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22
- You deserve to be prayed for- "The One" will have been praying for you long before you entered his life. If he isn't openly praying for you, he's not the one. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25.
- You deserve a man who loves the Lord. If he's not pursuing a relationship with the Lord as actively as he is pursuing you, he's not the one. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14
- You deserve to be respected, cherished and valued- You should never have to ask for any of these things. If he doesn't respect you, value you and cherish you from the first date, he's not the one.
- You deserve a man who wants to be there- If you can't ALWAYS count on him, he's not the one.
- You deserve a man of integrity- If he doesn't do what he says he is going to do in the beginning, he never will. If his words don't match his actions, he's not the one. "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out." Proverbs 10:9
- You deserve forgiveness. We all have a past. We have all made mistakes. We are all going to continue to make mistakes. If he can't look passsed the things you did/said and the mistakes you made before he came along...He doesn't deserve you and he's not the one. "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Matthew 6:14
- You deserve to be supported- If he doesn't support you in everything you do, regardless how small the task, he's not the one.
- You deserve honesty and truth- If you feel like he's not being honest or truthful, he's probably not. If you find yourself questioning him, he's not the one.
- You deserve a best friend- You deserve someone who wants to know everything about you. Someone who wants to hear your crazy stories, hold you when you cry, take care of you when your sick, and listen to you complain about your mother. You deserve that, and if he's not doing those things, he's not the one.
- You deserve someone who shares your passions- Love animals? Want to adopt children? Volunteer at the homeless shelter? Love to blog? If he can't be passionate about the things you are passionate about and love the most, he's not the one.
- You deserve someone who loves your family and friends- Your family and friends were around long before he was. They helped mold you into who you are. If he doesn't love them and accept them, he's not the one.
- You deserve to be happy- If he doesn't make you happy most days, he's not the one.
- You deserve a peaceful life- If his life is constant chaos and he is bringing his chaos into your circle, he's not the one.
- You deserve to have an easy life- Everyday won't be easy. Some days will be work. Hard work. But it shouldn't be hard all.the.time. Especially in the beginning. If it is hard from the get-go, he's not the one.
- You deserve a secure man- You deserve a man that is so secure in himself that he delights in watching you prosper. If he doesn't love watching YOU shine, he's not the one.
- You deserve to be complimented. If he doesn't compliment you and make you feel like the most amazing girl in the world, he's not the one. "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." Colossians 3:19
- You deserve to be prayed for, encouraged, praised, defended, honored and adored. There is no reason to settle for less. "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her" Ephesians 5:25
It's easy to read those things. The hard part is learning to recognize who has those qualities and who doesn't. Watch for red flags. Listen for Gods voice. He will direct your paths. That little voice you hear saying"That's not ok." That's the Holy Spirit. Don't be so "ready" to settle down that you ignore His voice or these things. 99% of the time, people don't change. What you see is what you get. Marrying him isn't going to make him a different person, only God can do that.
You can read Part 2 HERE.
You can read Part 3 HERE.
You can read Part 3 HERE.
Happy Tuesday, Y'all!