Saturday, December 8, 2012

Struggling.

Sometimes, I have bad days. Just like the rest of the world. I find it harder to be obedient on those bad days. Today was a bad day. I'm just putting it out there. I love my family so much and I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. But some days, being alone/single really sucks. I know that God is using this time to mold me and change me and prepare me for what's next in my life. I know that this is part of His plan. And that's great. BUT sometimes, I just want someone to watch a movie with that isn't a family member or a girlfriend. Does that make me selfish? Probably. 

I went to Zoolight Safari with my family and nieces tonight. I had so much fun with those sweet girls. I love seeing their faces light up. BUT, as soon as we left, and I was alone in my car, I realized it was only 8pm. I was alone and had nothing to do. On.A.Friday. What?!? So, my first thought? "I'll go have a drink." Ummm what? "No. You are not going to have a drink by yourself, Jennifer." HA! (I actually had this conversation with myself.) So I invited a friend. She was busy. I took that as a sign that I just didn't need to be having a drink at all. I went to Starbucks and got my usual and since my night was so blah, I decided to pay for the coffee for the person/people behind me. At least one of us had a good evening. I just hope they pay it forward =) Luckily for me, most retailers have kicked their holiday hours into high gear so I did a lot of shopping. Shopping always makes me feel better. At least it did in the moment. 

I came home to a quiet, empty house. I can't stop thinking about why it's so hard to be obedient. Kinda like, why is the right thing always the hardest thing to do. I want more than anything to follow Gods plan for my life. So why is it so hard to be okay with His plan? Why do I question Him? So this is me, struggling to follow His plan. Struggling to be obedient even though I know I should be. Struggling to give up complete control apparently.  I know it was just a bad day. I know I will be fine tomorrow. 

I kinda rambled. Anyway. Sometimes, you just gotta put it out there however you can. 

I hope y'all all have a fantastic weekend! 
Jen


7 comments:

WhatJeanLikes said...

Gosh Jen, your words speak right into my heart because I'm currently going through the same thing. It's hardest I think to be alone during the holidays. I feel like I'm either alone or with my parents or my son or nieces. It would be nice to even have coffee with a non-relative or friend! haha. Just keep on truckin' hun because God has a plan for us, even if it feels like He doesn't sometimes. I wish I had a guide as to God's plan for me so I could know the outcome was good but we just have to trust in Him regardless of what happens and that can be so challenging sometimes.

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Pedro Luis López Pérez (PL.LP) said...

En esta vida siempre estamos luchando por cosas que parecen sencillas y, siempre las hacemos un poco más complicadas.
Muy buena Entrada.
Abrazos.

Kaitlyn said...

I am right there with you! I just blogged about something similar about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I've never had a boyfriend/been on a date, and I'm just like "God, hello I'm down here waiting, don't you think its been long enough?!" Like you said he has a plan for us, but sometimes I would like to know when that plan is going to kick in!!

If you ever need to talk/complain/vent, I am here!!

Jen said...

Yes, the holidays have got to be the worst! And mos days I'm totally ok with it. It really gets to me when I am around everyone else who has someone!

So glad you're here! Thanks for coming by!!

Jen said...

I feel the same way! I find myself asking Him if He wouldn't mind kicking His plan into high gear!!

Same goes for you! You can email me ANYTIME!!!

Holly said...

Dear sweet Jennifer, you are not alone in this struggle! I have written several posts about this subject and just this summer I was feeling a lack of true joy in my life. I have to admit that I still am at some points, but things have gotten better. I wish I could tell you what has helped me, but I don't even know what has. Getting out there and doing things out of the ordinary, like joining a yoga class or running group, has been fun for me. I try to get together with friends as much as possible, but I enjoy my alone time at home so it doesn't bother me as much--except for those nights when I really just need to get out and do something and no one is around!! It's frustrating to not have someone to be with and do things all the time, but God has a plan and things will happen in His timing. It's so hard to remember that, but it will happen.

If you need anything, I'm here to chat!!! :)

Jen said...

Thank you so much, Holly!! I'm doing much better! I have my days, but knowing that what God has in store for me is better than anything I can even dream of, makes those bad days easier!!